Tuesday, July 12, 2011

An update in pictures...

...because Lord knows I'm too tired for actual words.
Evie's "happy" face is hilarious: 

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Yesterday sucked.

For me, staying at home is a challenge. And by "staying at home" I mean actually staying at home, as in inside the house. You see, it's much easier to strap the kids to a stroller and push them through a store, park, etc. than it is to keep them entertained at home. At home, there's a list of chores staring you in the face; the dishes piled in the sink, the mountain range of laundry waiting to be put away, the colonies of dust bunnies mocking you from underneath every piece of furniture you own. They're all there, taunting you; "clean me!"  "fold me!" "organize me!"  Then there are those pesky children (kidding of course...sort of) adding to the chaos with their crumbs and pleads. "Help me!" "Play with me!" "Clean me!" "Feed me!" "Dance with me!" "Look at me!"

It's a lot to handle.

But you know what makes it truly difficult. Guilt. The guilt that, while at home, you don't play with your kids enough, that there isn't enough for them to do, that you're secretly praying for rain so that you don't have to push the tricycle up the street again. Meanwhile, you haven't done laundry or defrosted anything for dinner and the dog hasn't eaten in like two days.

For all these reasons, I sometimes find going out easier than staying in. But at what cost?

Honestly, after too many days of being out and about, I start to feel a bit out of touch. Out of touch with what life is really about; what childhood is really about. I start craving slow mornings spent in pajamas, bread baking, puzzle building, book reading, wholesome lunches, rainy day movies, and afternoons in the yard. So, why then, do my days never turn out this way?

Why don't my days look like the days' of the other moms whose blogs I read? You know, the ones who homeschool a billion children and yet still have the time and patience to play in the mud, bake a pie, read the bible, sew a dress, nurse a baby, and maintain a blog?

Sure, our mornings start off well enough; a little breakfast, morning cartoons, a few books read on the couch, but as the day progresses (and I get busier) it becomes just a whole lot of  "Evie, be nice," "Evie, please stop," "Evie, please get down," "Evie...please!" and so on and so forth. By the time lunch rolls around forks are being swatted out of my hand, bad words are being thrown about (not by me, mind you), threats are being made, and blood pressure is rising.

Cue the guilt; that little voice that says "she's acting this way because she's bored," "She's bored because there's not enough for her to do," "you aren't engaging her enough," "You should be playing with her more," "Other moms can do it, why can't you? They even have beautiful pictures to prove it" etc. etc.

Well you know what? That voice is wrong. It has to be. She's acting this way because she's two. She's bored because she's used to me playing with her often and now I have to divide my time a bit more. And really, I think I play enough. As for those other blogs with all the happy pictures of their well-behaved children? They probably struggle just the same. That's life. We're human and imperfect.

I'm a good mom. So what if I don't want to dance like Cinderella for the 35th time today? I did it for the previous 34 requests. Who cares if we have carbs for breakfast just about every morning? The toast and bagels are whole wheat and the cream cheese is a good source of calcium. What's the big deal if she gets bored? I have a household to maintain and people to feed. It'll do her some good to learn about responsibility and hard work.


I'm going to go with "yes," and just cross my fingers that I'm not doing any real, permanent damage, because while it may at times be "easier" to go out and spend my day at a Barnes and Noble or Target, in the long run, it doesn't really fix anything. It's like trying to buy your kids love and respect with a new toy; it never works. When the toy loses it's appeal the behavior returns with a vengeance. So I've decided to stop beating myself up about it all.

I'm not a perfect mom, but if God trusts me with not just one but two of these perfect little people, then I must be good enough. 

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Starting now...

For every dirty dish that makes me cringe, I will think of grilled corn on the cob and ice-cold watermelon with friends.
For every crumb I step on, I will think of ice-cream-covered toddler faces. 
For every pile of laundry scattered about, I will think of sun-kissed cheeks and trips to the zoo.
For every sleepless hour that passes, I will think of quiet breakfast dates with my boy. 
For every toddler tantrum thrown, I will think of stormy nights spent cuddled close watching movies.
For every toy strewn across my floor, I will think of breezy after-dinner walks to the park.
For every minute of rushed dinner preparation, I will think of weekend family breakfasts of blueberry pancakes and hot coffee.
For every pile of aggravating clutter that I encounter, I will think of early morning trips to the bookstore with my girl. 
For every second of whining I hear, I will whistle, and sing this song...loudly if need be.
For every "give me that," "no!" or 'it's mine" uttered, I will think of the look on my big girl's face whenever she gets a "fuprise" (surprise). 
For every inconvenient diaper explosion, I will think of long, meandering weekend drives with the hubby.
And for every negative thought that enters my overly-active mind, I will think of a giant iced white mocha (extra ice) and remind myself of just how lucky I am. 


  Because it's been two and a half weeks and my baby boy is here, my big girl sleeps in her "big girl bed," my husband is super helpful, summer is here and we're all doing ok. 

Because it's been two and a half weeks and I haven't had the giant meltdown I thought I was going to have.

Because I intend to keep it that way. 
Because life is too short. 

Saturday, June 4, 2011

And then there were FOUR!

These are my kids.

Did you get that? I said "kids." I have TWO children. I want to say "it seems so unreal" or "I just can't believe it," but you know what? It doesn't seem unreal, and I have no problem believing it. 
It fits. They fit. 
And these past two weeks? Glorious! Having the hubby home was wonderful. My girl got some much needed daddy-time and this mommy got to shower every single day. The best part though wasn't having someone around to bring me water and help with diapers, but rather just having someone (my favorite someone) around to share in the experience...all of it...the diapers, the smiles, the laundry, the tears, the bed time stories, the breakfasts, lunches and dinners. It made me realize just how backwards our society has it. Most of us put in more hours at work than we do with our family and in the end it doesn't pay off. Sure, we may have a bigger house that we get to fill with more stuff, but so what? Wouldn't you rather have more time to do this: 

and maybe some of this? 
I know I wish we did. 

Monday my hubby goes back to work, and while I'm definitely panicking about handling the day to day work of raising two children, I'll mostly just miss his company, his presence, his input. 

These are our kids. 
And boy do we love them. 

Monday, May 23, 2011

I wasn't prepared...

 to love this much.

Welcome to our family my love.

Logan James
May 21, 2011
8lbs 6 oz., 20 in. 

What the heck was there to be anxious about?